K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I could fuck to npr.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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