Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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