You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
