tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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