i love accidental penises.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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