YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
