I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize