There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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