I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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