If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
