I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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