Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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