It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
PANTIES FOUND
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
