I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ttyl tear gas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
