i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
