Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
