I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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