took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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