sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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