Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
