On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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