I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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