Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
