Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
