soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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