In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
