You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
