i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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