Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
