if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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