how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
