sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize