I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
