apparently the secret to your success is patron
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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