You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
