I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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