we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
