so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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