Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
