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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
