So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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