I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
