Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
