We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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