A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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