Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
