No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
