woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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