it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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