what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
