I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am one with the molecules
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
