You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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