i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
