My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
