Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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