Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
