so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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