You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
