Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
